Being poured out.
I’ve been trained all my life to serve. To serve everyone in everything. How to be a good host, how to be a good daughter/sister/niece/cousin etc. To help out in everything.
Up till now, I have been doing just that. Sometimes, it involves personal sacrifice. Sometimes even my daughter has to learn to understand. But once in awhile, it’s nice to be appreciated.
It’s nice to belong, and be wanted. It’s nice to be invited to things not because it’s so obvious if I’m not invited, but because I may be of reasonable company. For once, it’s nice to be included in things, even if there is a chance I can’t make it.
So what if I have to work and there things going on during the weekday? Maybe all I want is just to know that I’m important enough to be asked.
So it hurts now. Because I am called to pour out and be there for others, but I have no one to come share with me and want me.
O Lord, you see all. Be thou my comfort.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)SCREAM
sometimes, in these rare moments, i have time on my hands. then i decide to write. but nothing comes to mind.
in fact, there are a million things i’ve thought about this day. the many weddings and marriages blooming all over my network. new haircuts, real estate, our political wars, my future, my daughter.
it comes a time when i want what my friends have: a simple life doing a 9 to 5 job, 5 days a week. having a boyfriend of 5 years which predictably ends up in marriage. having normal hair with normal haircuts that satisfy me. going places and doing things that everyone else does.
but then i realize: i’m not them. i’m ME.
i’m the crazy one not satisfied when the scariest roller coster ride is too short. who wants to be the only dr in Malaysia with fluorescent green hair highlights. who has a daughter before all her peers and is proud of her. who can do a lot of things that other people only dream of doing. who trusts completely in her God, who had brought her thus far, with so many insane adventures along the way. it’s been a blast!
sometimes i feel there should be more to life than the norm that society has set for us. more often than not, we slink into our miserable portal and resume life as if it weren’t life, it were just surviving. sure, a lot of people i know are happy. but for how long? when it all fades, what is there left?
do something different, and make an impact on your own life. then when these mundaness takes a toll on you, you can turn around and say, “well i’ve done that before, so what’s stopping me now?”
it’s not about showing off and being different just for the sake of it, it’s about being you. the real you, undefined by societal laws… the one encrypted into your DNA. the one you have been so perfectly made.
i’m gonna scream out loud just because i can, and want to! 