When all you do ends you backed up against a wall…

there are days i just feel down.

but it usually never last a month. but this, this has been for the past 4 going to 5 months. sadly, the only few times i am happier, are when i am at home, or at camp/course. i hate paeds. correction: i hate working in paeds.

it’s not just being an MO. i think i would love the fact i am finally able to make decisions, to be a real doctor. so it must be this.

i love children. always have. but this is an entirely different ball game. this involves politics, heirarchy, inconsistency and illogical planning. there is no justification or reasoning. and from the jaded to the fresh, they all echo a similar plan… it’s just not the proper management and i’m just too ashamed to be a part of it.

maybe that is what frustrates me. it’s not done the right way. the way i remember it. the only person i would commend is LYN. if not for her i think the ward would fall to pieces. sigh… it’s not that the bosses and colleagues are not good. i’m no genius myself. m still learning not to kill patients, esp with my overdosing.

it’s just that i feel people are just so comfortable with their way of managing that i just learn to follow and nothing else. that frustrates me. i know i shouldn’t have to be spoon-fed and i accept my responsibility and esp my own learning, but they so often conflict with what happens in the ward that i just dun really bother anymore.

frustrated is all i am.

have no mood to write more.ciao.

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