Day of wonder.
an amazing on call. i was so tired and still it was good.
came home for a good breakfast, lo mai kai, glutinous rice, tai pau, siew mai…
went for a baby baptism. beautiful church.
i sat there looking blank, cos i hardly understood what was being said and vanora was jumping on me half the time. but something caught my eye, which perplexed me and yet awed me at the same time. there was this old lady, reminding me of my grandma, who always had and still does, inspire me with her courage to believe. she was climbing the pedestal in church, where a statue of Jesus was. for one thing, she was in a saree, being her age i suspect she already had osteoporotic bones, and she was doing this in service. everything else, to me, had just frozen as i watched, anxiously, how this woman dared to attempt such a stunt at this age, at this time. she climbed up and touched the statue’s feet. she kissed her hands. then she touched his hands and kissed them. she was earnestly praying, and although i couldn’t see from such a distance i’m sure there were tears in her eyes. then she took out this plastic bag, which she held with such reverence, and as if it were her life savings in the bag. she took out this goudy but extravagant golden necklace/garland thing, and she just wanted to adorn the statue with it. she tried many times, but it was just too high. she tried and nearly fell a few times. i was at the edge of my seat, ready to administer any medical help should the need arise. i thought i would make my way through the mass of people to go help her. but she wanted to do it herself (her grandson who was much nearer offered the same). finally she did it. she touched his heart and prayed. full of gratitude, full of thanksgiving. i can’t remember the last time i had that countenance. it was time to sit down and reflect. it couldn’t have cost that much, but i figured this was all she could give, because she treasured it so much. she gave all her reverence, putting the mundani of the saree over her head because she respected him. wow… i am just more and more amazed by it, the more i think about it….
Nothing at all…
it’s funny how a simple conversation plays on your head, like a song never heard enough…
how a seemingly quaint cafe feels all elegant and romantic…
how time just seems not enough…
i really treasure moments when i’m not working and having a life…
i enjoy more the fact that i’m with friends… who make a dull moment so completely fun and enjoyable, i just couldn’t bear to leave.
Like no other.
I was never the smartest in class, nor the most hardworking (nites at trilogy and zouk can attest to that), but i like to think i was passionate as a student.
passionate about this life. passionate about surgery. people warned me that working as a doctor will completely change all that "idealistic thinkings". they were almost right. almost.
i’ve been working nearly a month now. and i feel the same excitement getting a diagnosis right, doing a procedure right or just being in OT. the same frustration when i fail to pick up a sign or diagnosis, or if i couldn’t do a procedure right. the same euphoria during rounds, bringing me back to the wonderful "dato kanda" days…
it’s tiring, yes. it’s frustrating and stressful, definitely. but more than that is that feeling of… wow… i’m finally here, doing this… i’m finally doing what i’ve longed to do for so long… finally… it’s amazing.
i have so much to say but for now… i’m basking in all of this… this cheshire cat grin plastered on my face.
the emo surgeons and anaests (and Uro MOs) may get the better of me some days but over all it’s a great team i’m in… and i have fun at work…
no i don’t want to go back to uni life, because it means i’ll have less time doing what i like…
Minding the mind.
it’s the year 08 and only now, have i sat down to blog… pretty depressing.
i can’t believe that i’m working and i can’t believe that vanora is starting school. i am in surgery and not once have i stepped into the OT… sigh… mixed feelings for this year… i like it don’t get me wrong. just that i want more… and i’m just too impatient to wait. 