Baby Breakdown.

Oh, fine… so i cried in Uni on monday… it was a legitimate reason…

this whole semester, 5 months plus, i have bee travelling up and down the Peninsula, juggling between motherhood and a student life. Life is hard.
Harder still, when you are a mom.
last weekend, as usual, was spent with my daughter, Vanora (Mommy’s Angel as she is more fondly known). Somehow this weekend was different. Now, children at this age, are very dependent on their parents, and she being so far from me most of the week, usually "stocked up" her supply of love, cuddles and pampering by being with me 24hrs a day. this time, she sounded morose, and pleaded many times with me to play with her. initially i responded with a "sure" and a smile, nonchalantly. but after awhile, it struck me as abnormal…
also i found her crying over nothing at all, despite a good mood: being well fed, well rested, etc. finally it dawned on me. my daughter was finding it difficult to cope.
oh, the pain of such a realization.
you never want to see a child cry. you never want the crying child to be yours. you never want to be the one making her cry. and that i did.
i imposed such a harsh condition upon her, expecting her to understand. i thought that it would be over soon, i was sure she could hang on.
but she is but a child. a child more in need, having only one parent. she can’t understand the concept of time, she can’t understand the stupid things adults do. she is just a child.
and i expected so much from her.
i used to tell myself, she is a strong girl, she will be ok. no matter how strong you are, one day you will bend under pressure.
i am only praying the weeks go by faster. not for my sake, but hers.
she is so brave, and so wonderful. her strength keeps me going… but when her strength diminishes, how do i go on?

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