Forgivenness.
A subject close to my heart, but far from my will. Possibly the only thing that keeps us from loving everyone.
A combination of our hurtful pride, and the mere association of feelings and memories, we always rationalize. "I will never forgive her. Not after what she did to me."
On the other hand, we keep counting the times we forgive, hoping to reach the ultimate 77, so we can stop there. Or so we think.
I find it so difficult to forgive blatant assaults to my emotions. Especially since the very shards that poke deep into my being once belonged to my heart. More so when The Accused has recurrent episodes of "plunge-a-knife-into-my-heart-itis".
It is like setting an IV access. (You know, where they run fluids and blood into your body… yea, more medical stuff. Can you blame me, spending 20 hours a day thinking, talking and doing medic stuff?) The more times you try to get it right, the more frustrated. And imagine the patient too! Worse still if you decide to MANIPULATE the needle, looking for the right vessel… Both are frustrated and in pain, and nothing gets done.
Uncategorized | Comments (2)You oughtta know.
Few things make you sweat. A normal day in Batu Pahat weather, a big bowl of spicy tomyam soup, eating chilipadi in head to head competition, GUILT.
Knowing that in spite of all the clues, you just fail to put them together. "Oh, women, you know how they are. Mood swings like a kid on a pogo stick." Making it reason to ignore the warning bells of the coming storm. And what a storm it is, if only you knew.
Winds blew as with every storm. Oh, but this is the defiant one. The more you provoke it, the larger it gets. The more you stand in the way, hoping to break the impact, the more the storm comes pouring down. If only you knew. Then you would have run for your precious little oblivious life.
Sunny days are forecasted for everyone but you. Think you can hide in the shadows of other company, think again. Eventually you will come face to face with this Whirlwind of Tragedy. And eventually you will finally understand the impact, and the significance.
The true meaning of Friendship. And you spit it in my face. Thanks. For nothing.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)While I was asleep…
"Quickly you crept out. For a moment, I thought I should tell you, that I am half awake, and just wanted a snuggle with you. But, heck, I’ve been through this just so many times.
"You always tell me not to show my temper. Yet, how can I help it, when I see all my family show me that, including you at times? And, sometimes, I really have a good reason! You want to leave me again.
"Weekends are just too short. Must you always go away for so long? You do know I miss you. Can’t other things wait? Are they just more important than me?
Having a child isn’t easy. Although she never said these things, I feel these vibes from her. And even if she did say all that, I have no answer.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Week 2 of life.
I feel like i am going nowhere. couldn’t find my Bible, so relied on e sword. worst thing, m so tired mornings, noons and nights… till one day i came home early to read.
Psalm 73 - a psalm of Asaph
(not familiar with it? chill… just read the literature below. was exactly what i was feeling, and then some.)
1A psalm of Asaph.
Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
11 They say, "How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?"
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.
13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.
15 If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 As a dream when one awakes,
so when you arise, O Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Chisel Rock.
I’m finally here. Finished 4 and a half years tugging and teasing my brain, now it is time to shine. shine not because i know so much, but because i learn faster hands on. Now in Paeds posting, i feel it is so much easier, yet the responsibility is so much higher…
We have portfolios, reports and various assignments to do. On calls and long hours, but heck this is so different, and so FUN!!!
my home looks good from what it was before, and although there is only one bathroom and one squatting toilet. i’ll show u a load of photos once i take them.
wow. so much to write, now not enough ooomph to write… hehehe will write more soon… ciao!
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