Headless, Clueless.

What would you do, if the dr told you the child you’ve preciously been carrying these months would not survive a week outside the womb? You tried so hard conceiving, in sacrifice of sleepless nights wondering when the pregnancy test would show you the result you have been waiting for. You waited month after month, only to find your menstruation is as normal as ever. Just to have one healthy child. Just one.

The first ever pregnancy didn’t go too well. She was barely 4 months, not even able to breathe when she died. You were certain that someday soon, you will gather the courage to try again. And to hope for a healthy bundle. After five horrific months of flashbacks, and night terrors, finally you decided to give it another try. After all, children are a blessing. And I’m sure God wants to bless His children… Doesn’t He?

Blissfully uneventful, the six months wheezed by. somehow though, your tummy just seems way too big. Twins, maybe, to compensate for all my sorrow?

Life can be so cruel.

Your baby has no head.

As you lie on the bed and the doctor scans your tummy, curious junior doctors and medical students awe at the sight of this headless creature swimming inside of you. The world seem so blurry as your eyes water incessantly. …. Termination of pregnancy is the best for you. The baby can’t survive anyway… The rest of the words seemed to trail off in the background, something about no one picking it up earlier, even though it was easily recognisable at 10 weeks. You don’t care. It was too good to be true anyway, having this pregnancy. Takdir, is what your mom usually says in consolation. In fact, right now you hear her voice echo in the distance. Let it go, child, it’s God’s will…

The surreal experience didn’t fade back into reality for the next few hours. All you know is that, you are so tired of trying. So damn tired of holding on to hope, that one day a bundle in your arms, suckling at your breast, would truly be yours. Healthy pink and yours.

How would you counsel a patient with anencephaly?

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