A Birthday to think about.

this birthday, unlike others, started off in a morbid tone. wondering if this was where i had forseen myself five years ago. wondering if it was really a milestone to be proud of.
Of course, five years ago i would never have even imagined myself to have a child, nor would i have believed i could have lasted through one of the longest and toughest STUDYING courses known to this world and age.
Yet as i think back,one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is grace. I’ve been thinking of this word for a year now, and I’m not ashamed to say I keep finding new meanings to it, in the simplest of ways. Grace that sustains me. Grace that brings me hope. Grace that says I Love You even when you mess up. And believe me, I’ve messed up pretty bad.
I’ve also keep thinking of Faithfulness. Man, God is so faithful you can’t even see its limit. He is there all the way through. This whole year when i do pray for something miraculous to happen (like, God help me present this well, i hate Paeds!), He is there even when circumstances are so bad. Even all the condolescence cards are poured out in front of me. However, that isn’t what amazes me, seeing that He is the God who answers prayers. What truly amazes me, what made me smile all the way home in the KTM and LRT as i reflected the day before and the morning before i left Seremban, was that He answered the desires of my heart without me asking. I suppose that is expected, ‘cos it’s in the Bible that if i delight in Him, He will grant us the desires of our hearts. But that wasn’t as amazing as this: of all the people who surprised me, His was the best.
I have a high index of suspicion and a knack for putting two and two together. So as inconspicuous as people try to make things appear, I seem to know them just too well to know what is going on. (However, i appreciate the effort, guys. all that whispering behind the pillow, and blabbing about whether the present was wrapped, and writing my card in front of me, with me helping hold the menu up for you to cover your words…)
But the things i never expected, those furthest from my imagination, He placed on my lap. Things i have to be so grateful for.
Friends, who stood by me, when my world, i thought, crumbled to bits and pieces. Who know me, and yet, loves me deeply. Friends who go all out to make my day a special one, who takes joy in the things i do, and who can make an ordinary day in Seremban (which isn’t much to hope for), the most pleasant experience, i can’t ask for more. Family, from their loins I am who I am, are so prized in my sight. I never knew it, and I never understood it, till now. When I see them, and feel strength return to my limbs, then I know I can run two miles, maybe more, because they are there, by my side, loving me and encouraging me on. And I know, however dark and lonely, they are there, with me.
For my studies. God, is just too wonderful for me to fully savour. Wow. Seriously all i hope for and all i didn’t even dare to dream… I passed one of my personal weakness, Paediatric Posting, and even my personal favourite, Surgery. thing is, i always assumed i would be too self confident in either, and be grossly disappointed after that. But God came through. Again!
sigh.
this birthday, more than my age, i’m reminded of where i’m heading with Him. boy, it is one long journey, but oh so worth it.

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