pathetic?
You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I’ve gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart.
You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I’ve never bought you flowers
I can’t work out what they mean,
I never thought that I’d love someone,
That was someone else’s dream.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
‘Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart
Christmas isn’t Christmas…
When it all feels drab and broken, when every inch of my tired body just wants a vacation, Christmas just feels miles away. No mistletoe, please, and cut down on the tinsel. Let me put my feet up and kick off these elven shoes, so i need not be frantically wrapping gifts.
Then, as if to see an isolated snowflake, a smile just creeps onto my face, and all of a sudden a gush of joy, indescribable joy, floods this dreary lifeless being, and Christmas reinvents its meaning.
You’ve probably heard too many real reasons of Christmas. But every one of them count. Jesus, family, life… He had been faithful every moment of 2006, even when i wasn’t. My younger brother came back to surprise us, all the way from Germany. My beloved family… inexpressible. Life, where i am now, what i am doing now, what the future holds for me. wow. i would never have imagined it.
to all, cheers… and have a Blessed Christmas. *muaks*
LUV, gene.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)You. (random babblings of an emotionally stressed student)
You notice i am around. Yet do you realize my gaze hardly seems the same?
Why have you not shown enough confidence in me, to reason with me, over a meal, perhaps?
I see your masquerade, I know something lies yonder, will you allow me the satisfaction of knowing. After all, it is you that aroused this interest, and you alone can quench this thirst. This innate desire. Overwhelms me.
I see your poker face and call it. If you can hide then so can i. Perhaps I am banking on the hope that your curiousity is as piqued as mine. Perhaps I gambled too deep this time.
Unretracted, what has been felt cannot be unfelt. What has crossed imagination to perpetual thoughts, cannot be revoked. What has opened an attic window, a sliver of chance, shall it be thence closed?
Who sees the future, but the One Almighty? Should i plead, will he grant me that which i so desire? in persistence i seek Him, fearing my yearning would turn into obsession, from faithfulness and unceasing prayer. He knows, as i humbly ask.
what then, should i conclude as to this matter? To leave it as is, would be fatalistic, or in a way, of sure faith. To pursue, would be too forward, too forboding, even desperate; in another sense, working toward my aim. In this dilemma of gray lines here and everywhere, dare i step ahead? dare i still remain?
To lose would pain me, yet to try and to fail - oh that my heart cannot resume its function again. Seem it bleak my perspective, yet the fear of any decision overshadows the brilliance of joy, should victory be mine.
does any of this make sense? if it does, get yourself warded to the nearest Psychiatric Hospital, with Form C (self admittance).
Uncategorized | Comments (2)A Birthday to think about.
this birthday, unlike others, started off in a morbid tone. wondering if this was where i had forseen myself five years ago. wondering if it was really a milestone to be proud of.
Of course, five years ago i would never have even imagined myself to have a child, nor would i have believed i could have lasted through one of the longest and toughest STUDYING courses known to this world and age.
Yet as i think back,one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is grace. I’ve been thinking of this word for a year now, and I’m not ashamed to say I keep finding new meanings to it, in the simplest of ways. Grace that sustains me. Grace that brings me hope. Grace that says I Love You even when you mess up. And believe me, I’ve messed up pretty bad.
I’ve also keep thinking of Faithfulness. Man, God is so faithful you can’t even see its limit. He is there all the way through. This whole year when i do pray for something miraculous to happen (like, God help me present this well, i hate Paeds!), He is there even when circumstances are so bad. Even all the condolescence cards are poured out in front of me. However, that isn’t what amazes me, seeing that He is the God who answers prayers. What truly amazes me, what made me smile all the way home in the KTM and LRT as i reflected the day before and the morning before i left Seremban, was that He answered the desires of my heart without me asking. I suppose that is expected, ‘cos it’s in the Bible that if i delight in Him, He will grant us the desires of our hearts. But that wasn’t as amazing as this: of all the people who surprised me, His was the best.
I have a high index of suspicion and a knack for putting two and two together. So as inconspicuous as people try to make things appear, I seem to know them just too well to know what is going on. (However, i appreciate the effort, guys. all that whispering behind the pillow, and blabbing about whether the present was wrapped, and writing my card in front of me, with me helping hold the menu up for you to cover your words…)
But the things i never expected, those furthest from my imagination, He placed on my lap. Things i have to be so grateful for.
Friends, who stood by me, when my world, i thought, crumbled to bits and pieces. Who know me, and yet, loves me deeply. Friends who go all out to make my day a special one, who takes joy in the things i do, and who can make an ordinary day in Seremban (which isn’t much to hope for), the most pleasant experience, i can’t ask for more. Family, from their loins I am who I am, are so prized in my sight. I never knew it, and I never understood it, till now. When I see them, and feel strength return to my limbs, then I know I can run two miles, maybe more, because they are there, by my side, loving me and encouraging me on. And I know, however dark and lonely, they are there, with me.
For my studies. God, is just too wonderful for me to fully savour. Wow. Seriously all i hope for and all i didn’t even dare to dream… I passed one of my personal weakness, Paediatric Posting, and even my personal favourite, Surgery. thing is, i always assumed i would be too self confident in either, and be grossly disappointed after that. But God came through. Again!
sigh.
this birthday, more than my age, i’m reminded of where i’m heading with Him. boy, it is one long journey, but oh so worth it. 
Christmas is a time to Love.
Christmas is a time
Christmas is a time
Christmas is a time to love
We often start to worry and people get upset
When things don’t go all right on Christmas day
What we should remember in all the push and shove
Is Christmas is a time to love.
Maybe things don’t sound right or look the way they should
And maybe they’re not perfectly in tune
It really doesn’t matter, let’s keep our eyes above
‘Cos Christmas is a time to love.
This isn’t my creation (i wish though!), but it is an awfully good song, and reminder on what Christmas is. It’s actually from a children’s Christmas album, and we’ve been singing it during carolling for years! sometimes we need to stop singing and just listen, ‘cos sometimes we forgot its meaning too.
Uncategorized | Comments (3)Euphoria!
I’m in love!!!!
I suck at Internal Medicine.
What a great day! 
Hypersensitivity.
i wonder if sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me, like the little voice inside my head feels it April Fool’s all year round. I imagine things that are to not be there, and things that are not to be there. i perceived it at first, as being predictive or even clairvoyant, almost. But who am I kidding right?
People are always changing, no matter how much you want them not to. After all, it took so long getting to know them and figure out their characteristics. Now suddenly, (actually it wasn’t suddenly, but my mind likes to exaggerate nonetheless) there is so many things i can’t quite figure out. i feel torn between wanting to be in the past, and progressing to the future.
i guess it is just me being sentimental. it is nearing the end of the year, and Christmas season is always sentimental to me. But i treasure friends so much… sometimes i feel the whole world has moved on, the world without me. People get new cliques, new dreams, new plans, and all our past dreams seem lost and forgotten like a dusty photo album stuck under a pile of old clothes in the attic. maybe i just like living out of the attic.
bottomline is, i feel left out. from everything happening around me. not even being informed. not even being updated. oh well, people move on, right? so why haven’t i?