Clues to where we are.

you realised if, like me, age has begun to embarass you, that many seemingly insignificant things become important, and the whoop-dee-do events in life seem like a worn out party hat.
after all, it is Life’s ironicities that make it what it is. and it’s fun that way.
6 weeks are nearly up, and my seemingly horrendous exposure to the infectious disease area that is Hospital Orang Asli Gombak, has left me with more than just relief. i wanted the attachment to be over so badly, now that i’m at my final few days, i kinda want more.
let me start over with all the blanks filled. in semester 8, aka the HoneyMoon Period, we are supposed to carry out two activities. one was Electives (basically a holiday packaged to look educationaly - kinda like our Lawatan Sambil Belajar, only this we plan out ourselves), which we were to spend 6 weeks learning a skill, or completing a task. the more studious people would venture into other areas of medicine, to acquire exposure, and knowledge, which may never be experienced in our 5 short years of Medical Science. the other lot, the Gene-type people, would look for the easiest way to finish our assignment and get ready for FUN!so SWEEP was the official elective, and the other four weeks were my fun time (including europe).
next task was Selectives. basically there is a list of hospitals that would we can attach to, under various disciplines. for 3 weeks, our focus would be medical and the next 3 weeks it would be surgical. so i decided (i don’t know what made me do this) to choose Hospital Gombak. firstly, friends who were there said it was no vacation, and that there will be lots of things to do. then a lecturer said, oh good, because there you will learn the art of communication, because they can hardly speak your language. and another, that place is filled with patients plagued with infectious disease. i’m sure you’ll find it very interesting.
good grief! had i only known sooner.
the next thing i knew, i was to go halfway to the moon and back to reach this isolation of a hospital. apparently there was only one bus going that area, so i ended up taking and LRT from one end to the other, a feeder bus out to a main road, and the famous 174 into the old road up to Gentings, to the 12th mile where i would be working.

I didn’t really expect this i guess. yet that was what made it so exciting. plunging into this secluded Health Centre, knowing no one and nothing.

By the second day of work, i wanted to just quit. If this is all to working here, then I’ve learnt enough. After all, it is all about the mundane things, clerking patients, prescribing medicines, and writing out MCs. Typical Boring GP work, which i am not going to devote the prime days of my youth and career for. I thrive on excitement and adventure. Show me the Surgery, and weird procedures. Let me deliver twins or something. Not plain work that needs no brains to solve. Not that GPs have no adventure. It’s just that they live and survive on the mundane, and become good at it.

I would journal and read, trying to occupy my time as best i can, without seeming bad for my review. If only i knew sooner that I would get excellent review no matter what. I tried to be interested in the ward work. Yet since there was no one to teach me or who could help me, i was beside myself and felt really redundant there. So i decided i’ll be where everyone is and at least some knowledge could rub off. Thanks to the three drs who were there: Dr Fred, Dr Ling and Dr Fairuz. They really exerted their patience on me, a quality i have not yet developed.

I guess time rubbed some sense into me instead, as i delved deeper into the face value of the patient instead of just being a doctor who sees and prescribed. Sometimes, when you see so many, you just have to glance and then, it’s a spot Diagnosis. Then you forget to feel for the patient. Then you lose the humane side of a doctor. Sometimes i loathe patients with chronic illness, because they never seem to have their condition under control. Sometimes, i lose my temper with them and become sarcastic - a very common sequelae noted among GPs. But then i think back and decide to spend more time with them and really ask them questions and get to their level, and then i realize, they don’t know any more about their disease as they know what the square root of 761 is. to them, they just want to live long and well, but they don’t see how popping pills twice a day can help, let alone staying off certain foods are quintessentially part of the management of the disease.

So i shifted from wanting to express myself and explore more of medicine (Hosp JHEOA is the wrong choice for that, believe me!), and focused on these people. They need help, more than just medical help. They need to know how to live right, how to keep clean, and why these things are important. They need to hear from someone the real reason why these things occur, in simple language, and they need someone to hear and address their worries and concerns.

so i laugh with them, and talk to them, and let them know i’m here to help them understand. So many think that Diabetes Mellitus can be cured, and Hypertension is because of stress alone, so they want leave from work so that they can be cured. They are firm believers of traditional medicines and while we don’t really approve of it, we don’t condemn it either.

I want to help them so much more that by the end of the six weeks, i felt deeply perturbed and dissatisfied. Maybe Dr Ling and Sister was right, that i should just apply for a job there after my housemanship. Or maybe i can carry this feeling to whereever i go, knowing that people will be people and they will need that same care i offered the Orang Asli. It’s not easy, as that hospital was puny in capacity, compared to the Health Ministry’s hospital. So the chances of burn out is way high. But maybe that’s what my dreams are for. To inspire, and to pick me up when i feel all wiped out. It’s gonna be a crazy life, but that’s exactly what i’ve been yearning for. To go all out and do my best. To be Gene.

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