tough to be me.
Is there such a thing as un-friending, as a word contrary to
be-friending?
I have decided a long while back that I want to rearrange my
network, to drop contacts and so called friends who did not benefit me, and who
did not seem to want to continue a mutual relationship of edification and
support.
And suddenly, I hear life-changing news about them, and my
heart sinks. I wonder, did I make a right choice in discarding friendships so
easily? I like to think this a radical step for me, seeing as I was the “just-in-case”
person, who used to save every bit of used wrapping paper in case the need ever
arose for its use. And now, when I finally stepped out from my former self I
began to have doubts. Else, why would I feel so horrible learning some major
news not directly from the source? Why should it matter to me?
Then a disturbing thought, lurking in the corner of my mind,
makes its presence known. Gene, I’m sure it hissed, how different is it, since
you didn’t really severe the relationship? All you did was refuse to make the
first contact. If she is truly a friend, why didn’t she try keep you in the
know? Aren’t you equally as busy, if not more?
As if the idle mind during these slow days wasn’t dangerous
enough, these frightfully tormenting thoughts keeping toying in the shadows of
my mind. Not taking predominance like an obsession, rather a slick and sly pop
up every now and then, when all is quiet and things seem peaceful.
However, I must note that every bad has its silver lining.
Once thought lost, a friend had been found. And I must say it was great joy to
have her back. On my part, I did not send out a search and rescue team neither
did I take great lengths to find her. An incidental wish, and that was all it
took. So putting this into context, I know that if a friendship is truly worth
it, no matter how lazy I am, only God and His timing can fix the broken pieces
and bring us back together.
As for the news that initially disturbed me, well
congratulations instead and God bless! That is all for now. Ciao.
One Response to “tough to be me.”
Leave a Reply
It matters because u care, Genie! This world is made of tones of different kind of people…even in such a small community as our uni itself, people can drive u nuts with their antiques. What more when ppl are afar…and busy with their own lifes.
Not everyone bothers keeping in touch, as our principles in life differs. There are the ‘keep-in-touch’ ppl, who by hook or crrok will try to maintain the r/ship, remember b’days & events to wish their frens. Then there are the ‘live-in-the-present-world’ people, who are just engrossed in their daily “real-lifes” that they cant be bothered much about ppl from the past, but if they meet u, things can be like it used to be – like u pick up from where u left, but only if they meet u in person. And many many more…its exshausting to even think of the varieties…*phew*
Ahhh…this sounds so very familiar “As if the idle mind during these slow days wasn’t dangerous enough, these frightfully tormenting thoughts keeping toying in the shadows of my mind. Not taking predominance like an obsession, rather a slick and sly pop up every now and then, when all is quiet and things seem peaceful.” Guess thatz why some people seem ever busy (experience speaks), when in reality they are just occupying themselves, to preserve their sanity!
Read this somewhere: ‘there are friends for a Season, a Reason, or a Lifetime”. We can’t make our friends fit into certain categories….but we can make ourselves the type of friends that we wish to…the choice is partly ours. To continue…or to un-friend. But seriously, I think even when ppl are so old, in matters of friendship some can be really childish! In the end, it falls on our shoulders…how much do we value the friendship, depending on treasured memories of the past, and how long we will be seeing them sumore (in present). Trust me…its horrible to get empty stared daily (or weak smiles, with nothing to say to each other), from people who used to be ur buddies, close ones too…