what’s on your mind?
sometimes it’s all about opening up, and being clear. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. sometimes you know what is happening and you are ready for anything, and sometimes, life plays you a "Pop Goes the Weasel". whatever it is, friends are always there, and they matter the most. Thank you, my Teddy Bear, for a valiant effort in sustaining me through a dark and dreary night. 
and to the rest who know, good on ya for whatever it is you did. and for the rest, i’m back!
[no signs of depression, just a little low mood but have bounced back thanks to good old and not so old friends]
Uncategorized | Comment (1)frailty beneath the manic appearance.
A hurricane… sometimes the only thing to wash away the pain…
it seems as if the days pass so swiftly you can hardly hear the whisper of tomorrow when it becomes yesterday. suddenly i realise, i need time to recollect, to consolidate.
strength. it seems to be the buzz word around. but the more i hear it, the more i associate it with misery and suffering. "You are so strong." "Be strong." we only hear it when it there is need for reminding one to hold on, to hope, to believe. never when we have sunshine and rainbows. only sorrow.
i suppose after surviving a pregnancy discreetly and with almost no support, after going through emotional hell, and after attempting to complete medical school during the week and raising a two year old inquisitive daughter during weekends, i should be strong. or that is what i have been told.
i don’t know really. how would one gauge the strength of the soul? in the physical world, things are so easy. we see, and therefore we know. the biceps size, the ability to lift weights with little effort, all tell us how strong an individual is. but with things deep within, what do we look for?
i guess it is just a matter of relativity. but if that is truly the case, then should one be compared with those surrounding, or merely those who have undergone similar circumstances? and who is to say which factors are critical to determining the similarity of circumstances? if with those surrounding, that can hardly prove to be an accurate control.
it pulls at my veins, and it tugs at my bones. after what i feel has been a crime, toward my parents and toward my family, now becomes the very reason people wish to follow me after. granted, it was my response to consequences that caused me this honour, yet i feel, i should be disqualified. people who survived tsunamis, plane crashes and other tragedies bring a better life model to appreciate. as for me, i am just surviving. by grace nonetheless. yet without this grace, i am nothing.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)tough to be me.
Is there such a thing as un-friending, as a word contrary to
be-friending?
I have decided a long while back that I want to rearrange my
network, to drop contacts and so called friends who did not benefit me, and who
did not seem to want to continue a mutual relationship of edification and
support.
And suddenly, I hear life-changing news about them, and my
heart sinks. I wonder, did I make a right choice in discarding friendships so
easily? I like to think this a radical step for me, seeing as I was the “just-in-case”
person, who used to save every bit of used wrapping paper in case the need ever
arose for its use. And now, when I finally stepped out from my former self I
began to have doubts. Else, why would I feel so horrible learning some major
news not directly from the source? Why should it matter to me?
Then a disturbing thought, lurking in the corner of my mind,
makes its presence known. Gene, I’m sure it hissed, how different is it, since
you didn’t really severe the relationship? All you did was refuse to make the
first contact. If she is truly a friend, why didn’t she try keep you in the
know? Aren’t you equally as busy, if not more?
As if the idle mind during these slow days wasn’t dangerous
enough, these frightfully tormenting thoughts keeping toying in the shadows of
my mind. Not taking predominance like an obsession, rather a slick and sly pop
up every now and then, when all is quiet and things seem peaceful.
However, I must note that every bad has its silver lining.
Once thought lost, a friend had been found. And I must say it was great joy to
have her back. On my part, I did not send out a search and rescue team neither
did I take great lengths to find her. An incidental wish, and that was all it
took. So putting this into context, I know that if a friendship is truly worth
it, no matter how lazy I am, only God and His timing can fix the broken pieces
and bring us back together.
As for the news that initially disturbed me, well
congratulations instead and God bless! That is all for now. Ciao.