HELL HATH NO FURY!

as i type this, yet again, i’ve calmed down, and have reduced in emotions. but nonetheless i think this blog deserves a piece of my mind so that in future if anyone wants to plan the perfect suicide, this serves as a reference.

i don’t know what people in general really mean by a "slackers" attitude. but allow me to explore that phrase in detail. i do consider myself as one, so i would occasionally use myself and my experiences as examples.

(btw, with all this drama, i know at least i can prob make money from Adrian Mole fans… publish this into hard copy or something… )

is it just me i wonder? how is it that people can be so oblivious to the fact that they are nothing who they claim to be? that the mirror they use to self-reflect is distorted beyond recognition? how is it that people can literally throw out this hypocritical self image of theirs and think it holy? well i have news, that might be a little unpleasant for some. (do hold your stomachs, if it’s too much to handle!) I HATE HYPOCRITES!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gosh is it so difficult? so hard for people to understand that a little self insight and peer review might actually help? and it’s not just something psychiatric patients need. WE ALL NEED IT!

i have been trying to not make little offences matter, with regard to a certain someone in my group. (no no not my clique, this, to my dismay, is the grouping allocated for semester 7.) i try very hard, using most of my strength, (and usually God’s grace!!!) to not care, even when my frens have miscommunications with him. i discard all the petty stupid things just so that i won’t have to push myself over the cliff so i dun kill him.

but today, it has just reached the limit. to my horror, i did not anticipate having him as my group member in preparing seminars etc. i did not think it a problem however, so i resumed my daily life, not thinking too deeply about it.

then, when it finally came to tasking, since i wasn’t entirely on speaking terms with him, i decided to mouth up and let topics be delegated themselves. of course, being the ego centric and narcissistic person he is (did anyone test him for autism?), he gladly split the topics up. i didn’t care.

next seminar came rolling near, and i decided i want to pick topic. not such a difficult request, yes? so i msged him telling him the topic i wanted. couldn’t be that bad now, considering all topics were of equal value. no news. fine. i decided how to lay out my seminar and make it presentable for all.

just this morning i was making doubly sure so i asked a fello groupie, and to my horror, Mr. Autism-Most-Likely, had split the topics and i had to do another topic, which he implied was of heavier task. i confronted him via sms, since i know the fury which conjured within me would certainly vapourize him in a flash, and he said i was given a "relatively easy task" last time. wow… i didn’t swear, i didn’t curse, but the fumes coming from me definitely made M’sia three degrees higher!

i didn’t reply him wat i exactly thought, but boy oh boy, the things i wanted to say… instead, i delivered a cold sms and left it. minutes later, this came by "ok… God bless u.. take care.. try to talk to someone bout ur problem k?"

i wanted to fly back to seremban. i wanted to call my regular mafia contacts. i wanted to wring his bloody guts out. sigh… but i was controlled. not by might, nor by power… so i prayed. tried to only focus on my plea to God for help. i don’t want to care anymore. i don’t. i just want to live life away from all these hypocrites who give God a bad name. i’m so sick of seeing friends being offended by these people who have their names changed, but not their lives. i’m being judgemental, yes and critical too, but i seen it too many times, and i’m sick to the core. true i know i’m no saint. in fact, the very fact i’m still in Malaysia, says it. but i live as much a transparent life as i can simply because i know who i am, weaknesses and all. and i’m not ashamed of it. cos i know my Saviour is changing me. like this beautiful mirror, tainted, and then covered in spoldges of mud. that’s me… slowly, bit by bit, He takes the mud away, then when i see Him again, He removes the tint, and i’m the perfect mirror He intended me to be.

i’m not asking for everyone to be like me. just that they see things in this perspective. we’re not perfect. not any one of us. we’re fallible. why try to put on this holier than thou attitude that just pisses people off…? then u become a repellent not an attractant. is that wat your faith professes?

if ever u dare read this and have enquiries, just let me know. i’m in a deluded state now, but should be all clearer later. i promise i’ll try not to bite.

anyways, concerning the slackers thing, i’m sorry i got out of subject. but i assure you this was a juicier topic to write on…

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