LooNeY BiN iNDeeD.

as i write this in retrospect, i’m sure a lot of the emotions have been released and i admit it might not be in the full swing of the actual day’s event, but i’m trying my hardest to recollect, in order that u all (hopefully) may empathize (and again, hopefully, not laugh) with me, on account i’m a person not easily terrified.

second day of psychiatry and i’m rearing to go. had a little fears but not entirely disinterested in the field. after all, it’s a challenge. and wat’s not to look forward to in a challenge, right?

we were yet again introduced to the staff at the male ward. at first we stood at the clerking and admin room just outside the "jail" of a ward. there was a briefing and since we weren’t a quiet bunch, curious onlookers come to watch via the "jail" window.

suddenly one of the patients started talking to me. asked my name! was frightened not to answer in case i provoked him, so i quickly mumbled my name. he caught it as…jenot v (something like that, i really didn’t bother to hear). so from that time on, he was trying to get my attention: talking, giggling, moving in the direction of my gaze… so many times i hid behind my frens, but still the fear in me kept increasing.

palpitations, sweaty hands and feet, even dizziness. we were inside the "jail". all i could think of is, get me out of here! finally after the introduction into the ward ended, i raced out. the gracious guard saw my frightened face, and let me out.

straight away, i called someone, anyone. had to be parents, thank God. they helped me then. although i really think it was only thoeretical advice, it was at least something… i cried halfway, the final outburst of emotion. because it was not a full crying session (gurls, i’m sure u can relate here; guys deep inside u know… :p), bits and pieces of emotion was still inside.

so i came back, a bit more composed, but noticeably scared, i acted as if i was ok. eh i’m a good actress, but this time, it just showed. i just sat down with the others, (who thankfully scooted over for me so i could feel comfortable and hidden from the looneys’ view) and read case notes. i found, much to my aghast, that most of them have some history of aggression, from mild to severe.

well they started up again, and it was so severe, some good frens got us a place at the more secluded table. so we scurried over, and finally felt a bit of peace. they were still loudly calling, and they were all pointing etc, but so long as i can’t see them and everyone was around and distracting, that helped.

when we finally got out, we ate at the stall just outside the clinic. the guard who was gracious to me came over to find out how i was coping. that was so sweet of him. thanks Mr. Guard…

after that we had ward again, but no one felt like going. so we all skipped it. i had enough stress for the day… in the p.m. we had clinic and the looneys weren’t half as looney and they were mostly female. thank God! oh just before that we had our debriefing session by Dr. X, and when we related the incident, he said we would just have to deal with it. that it happens. man, that sucks! but he did mention, that is wat really goes on in everyone’s mind, just that normal people can control their emotions and thoughts better.

laydees and gents, that’s the gist of it, but i’m sure i’ll be talking bout it from time to time. life changing experience i’m sure.

till next entry!

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